Poker Pro Phil Laak Acquires Heightened Abilities After Almost 5 Days Awake

Phil Laak’s recent existential act of setting a new poker endurance record has not only helped push forward the limits of human endurance, but it appears it has also had a whole range of other equally remarkable effects, not least of which is to boost his poker playing abilities to an almost superhuman level. As Phil Laak explains:

“I feel as if another door of the matrix has opened. I am seeing way more than I saw before. It is hummingly trippy on so many levels. I am fairly sure that this version of me would have a huge edge over the version of me that was playing a month ago.”

Since setting the incredible 4 days and 19 hours poker endurance record earlier this month, Phil Laak has won seven of his last eight poker sessions. At the heart of his incredible success would appear to be a several fold magnification of his overall abilities. For instance, one of Phil’s recent winning sessions lasted an incredible 30 hours, and he also managed to defeat his racquetball opponent of two years for the first time recently.

“I did it, I finally cracked it. I went from never having a shot against this machine to finally doing it! Amazing.” exclaimed Phil.

Throughout history, great abilities are often preceded by dreams or visions, where a moment of epiphany is crystallized in the form of a sub-conscious or perhaps divine intervention. Phil Laak’s case is no exception and at around the 92 hour mark Phil experienced what he describes as, a kind of out-of-body experience.

“I thought I was in a foreign land and not in Las Vegas. None of it made sense. I kept giving the cards back to the dealer like I was folding. I didn’t know where I was or what I was doing. My nutritionist told me to eat yams to get my brain fed and back on track.”

Some of his more curious extra abilities now include a sense of heightened awareness and sensitivity, which has obvious advantages at the poker table but can also spill out onto everyday situations. For instance, Phil found himself crying four or five times during the more emotional scenes of the new Karate Kid movie, and also while watching a biopic of the singer Pink’s life. Phil explains the phenomena as a heightened love for mankind, the universe and all things brought about by his coming a step closer to self-actualization.

Whether Phil Laak’s new found abilities will be enough to rattle his fellow poker pros remains to be seen, but one thing for sure is that the good humored and quirky poker pro raised a lot of money for Camp Sunshine, the charity which runs summer camps for children with terminal diseases, as well as many other worthy causes over the years. Good on ya Phil! We salute you.